One of the first things I did on my return home from vacation was to order the chastity device that I spoke of earlier. We had a lot of exciting sex and elaborate fantasies during our vacation that evolved around this specific item. I felt I was ready to take this step and I more than that, I felt so excited about all the scenarios of lovely humiliation and teasing of my dearest little Donald.
I first thought that I would let him wear it during the day, that I would send him my dirty thoughts in text messages and photos of me touching myself in the bathroom etc. I quickly came to the conclusion that that would be going too mild on him. I mean, the greatest impact would be for him to be close to me physically and still not being able to do anything. Everytime i thought about how I would deny him, strip him of his dignity and tease him, it brought a big smile to my face and shivery tingles through my body.
However, as we got home our obsessions faded a bit as everyday life started creeping in under our skin. We both talked about it as a limbo period that we would both get through soon. Implicitly I think we were both thinking of what would happen when the famous chastity device would land on our door mat. During this week (funny how time seems slow when you are waiting) we had really great sex even though the time spent outside the bedroom was kind of non-interacting (in the "game" department).
One night I told him that I wanted him to search the internet for exciting articles on the subject for me to read and get inspired. He then sent me two really exciting texts. The first was an interview with a young "kink" who described his views on cuckolding to the experienced dominatrix conducting the interview. The other was a woman who described the reasons to why she loved cuckolding her husband (the reason as simple as her being a "completely egoistic bith that loves sex with other men"). What struck me (and this is not the first time) is that compared to our relationship they are pretty advanced. We are talking about total denial of intercourse and extremely limited and/or orgasm denial, severe physical punishments (like ball kicking) and total submission on every level of the cuckolded's life.
I still experience frequent moments of conflicts and confusion between us, where I try to resume control, which of course makes me feel out of control. At other times it feels like I'm in total control and we are both extremely happy when this occurs. I realize that he is sending me these advanced stories because they turn him on, but I am not quite sure how far he really wants to go. I realize as I'm writing this that it is in fact I that have to decide how far I want to go. I have this drive in me, this urge that excites me soo much but I also have something inside that holds me back.
I there is anyone out there reading this (i actually got a comment on one of my postings - that delighted me so much!), I would love to hear your thoughts on this. I am well aware that there are many people out there with the same inclinations as me and Donald, so I definitely shouldn't have to invent the wheel myself. As I mentioned before I have read a lot of stories about this, but somehow you only hear about the parts when it works and how great and exciting it is then. So dear mentors out there, if you would feel like sharing your newbie stories, mistakes and success strategies, it would mean the world to me!
I started out telling about the purcase of the CB 6000 and I realise that my request to you experienced couples ot there derives from my genuine wish to take the next step forcefully and with a clear purpose. What I really want is to step up to a level and take control for real. And I want the use of this chastity device to be the marking of that change in our relationship.
Friday, August 10, 2007
Friday, August 3, 2007
Evolving from game to lifestyle
Just came home from a wonderful holiday with Donald. We stayed at a house with some good friends and had many good laughs and fun nights out. But what made it so great was that for the first time he was openly serving and submissive in front of other people. I would sit at the terrace and say to him "Donald, I would like a ham sandwich with tomatoes and another one with cheese. And some juice with that" and he would do it without a comment. He would just bring it and I would take it without even thanking him. Or, I would tell him to fetch a mop and a broom to clean the dirty kitchen floor. Once I even made a funny little joke hinting towards the inferior size of his willy which all of the girls laughed at.
What surprised me was that not even his best friend reacted to this sort of behaviour between us. I mean, they were all sitting there with us while this was happening. I began to understood that they all more or less understand who is on top in this relationship. It also struck me that my behaviour have had an influence on some of my girlfriends. At the end of the vacation there was a couple of times when they tentatively tried their luck bossing Donald around. One of them even wrote an upset posting on her blog, urging boyfriends to act more mature and take more responsibility around the house (in other words to act more like Donald).
With all this happening so naturally, I came home with the realization that what we referred to as the "game" started to become something more than just a game. In fact we had periods in the past when we decided it became too intense or too different expectations on how to do it and then decided to let it rest for a while. However, everytime we did this we both experienced some kind of...loss. There was more than the sexual parts of it. It drew us close, made us talk openly about previously unthought matters and forced us to make up all sorts of alternative scenarios for how our future life together would look like. Normally these are the things you are totally absorbed with (and anxious about) in the beginning of your relationship, but now we talk about it all the time - and it is so exciting! One of the first things I did when we returned was to order the CB 3000 for Donald. (When this arrives I will tell you all about it!)
As I discovered how normalized these thoughts had become to us both I started feeling more and more that I wanted someone to share my thoughts with besides Donald. Someone who could see the whole picture and maybe even be part of it. In fact I realized that I would love to have a liasion in this. I didn't want it to be a dark secret. I wanted to show that I am proud of our relationship and the exciting things we created in it. Parts of it I had already told to one of my closest friends and she accepted it as a fantasy, but would show in an indirect way that she didn't always approve of my behaviour towards Donald. Although I explained the principles and feelings behind it, she couldn't fully grasp it.
One night Donald suggested that I would ask another girlfriend of mine to go out on a really slutty girls night. She is a gorgeous blond flirt that can wrap any man around her finger. She wears stiletto heals and is a math genius with a high profile position. At the same time she is the sweetest half-insecure girl next door and the best daughter and hostess you could imagine - in many ways a total paradox. So i didn't really know how she would react to my proposal. She turned out to be the perfect ally...
Over the next couple of days she would call me longdistance and send me text messages to discuss our night out. One night she wrote that it would be so much fun to be my slave. I replied "Fun? I already have a slave and he has to work really hard. I give the orders and you follow them. Your first assignment is to figure out our slutty outfits!"
I thought she might have been turned off by my answer (I was still insecure about what she might think of all this), but two days later she asked me if she was allowed to buy me these really sexy high heels that she had seen. "They would be soo perfect on you!" She went on talking about how great it would be and that she loved being my slave, all with a very playful tone of voice. She convinced me that I should stay over at her apartment on that night so that we could enjoy the whole night together and wake up and share all of our adventures.
I started sharing my fantasies about this night with Donald and we both indulged in the idea of both of us together sharing a lover, or both of us having sex in the same room with some alpha men we picked up in a bar. We would film each other having sex and giving blow jobs and then the next morning we would phone Donald to invite him for brunch (he would have to wear the chastity device throughout our whole night out). Giggling we would show him our little film exposé from our wild nocturnal adventures. I dreamed about his facial expressions. I felt mean in such a wonderfully sexy way - this was the part that was almost the most exciting one for me!
It's in ten days...I pray that the days will fly by. I can't wait to tell all about this night.
What surprised me was that not even his best friend reacted to this sort of behaviour between us. I mean, they were all sitting there with us while this was happening. I began to understood that they all more or less understand who is on top in this relationship. It also struck me that my behaviour have had an influence on some of my girlfriends. At the end of the vacation there was a couple of times when they tentatively tried their luck bossing Donald around. One of them even wrote an upset posting on her blog, urging boyfriends to act more mature and take more responsibility around the house (in other words to act more like Donald).
With all this happening so naturally, I came home with the realization that what we referred to as the "game" started to become something more than just a game. In fact we had periods in the past when we decided it became too intense or too different expectations on how to do it and then decided to let it rest for a while. However, everytime we did this we both experienced some kind of...loss. There was more than the sexual parts of it. It drew us close, made us talk openly about previously unthought matters and forced us to make up all sorts of alternative scenarios for how our future life together would look like. Normally these are the things you are totally absorbed with (and anxious about) in the beginning of your relationship, but now we talk about it all the time - and it is so exciting! One of the first things I did when we returned was to order the CB 3000 for Donald. (When this arrives I will tell you all about it!)
As I discovered how normalized these thoughts had become to us both I started feeling more and more that I wanted someone to share my thoughts with besides Donald. Someone who could see the whole picture and maybe even be part of it. In fact I realized that I would love to have a liasion in this. I didn't want it to be a dark secret. I wanted to show that I am proud of our relationship and the exciting things we created in it. Parts of it I had already told to one of my closest friends and she accepted it as a fantasy, but would show in an indirect way that she didn't always approve of my behaviour towards Donald. Although I explained the principles and feelings behind it, she couldn't fully grasp it.
One night Donald suggested that I would ask another girlfriend of mine to go out on a really slutty girls night. She is a gorgeous blond flirt that can wrap any man around her finger. She wears stiletto heals and is a math genius with a high profile position. At the same time she is the sweetest half-insecure girl next door and the best daughter and hostess you could imagine - in many ways a total paradox. So i didn't really know how she would react to my proposal. She turned out to be the perfect ally...
Over the next couple of days she would call me longdistance and send me text messages to discuss our night out. One night she wrote that it would be so much fun to be my slave. I replied "Fun? I already have a slave and he has to work really hard. I give the orders and you follow them. Your first assignment is to figure out our slutty outfits!"
I thought she might have been turned off by my answer (I was still insecure about what she might think of all this), but two days later she asked me if she was allowed to buy me these really sexy high heels that she had seen. "They would be soo perfect on you!" She went on talking about how great it would be and that she loved being my slave, all with a very playful tone of voice. She convinced me that I should stay over at her apartment on that night so that we could enjoy the whole night together and wake up and share all of our adventures.
I started sharing my fantasies about this night with Donald and we both indulged in the idea of both of us together sharing a lover, or both of us having sex in the same room with some alpha men we picked up in a bar. We would film each other having sex and giving blow jobs and then the next morning we would phone Donald to invite him for brunch (he would have to wear the chastity device throughout our whole night out). Giggling we would show him our little film exposé from our wild nocturnal adventures. I dreamed about his facial expressions. I felt mean in such a wonderfully sexy way - this was the part that was almost the most exciting one for me!
It's in ten days...I pray that the days will fly by. I can't wait to tell all about this night.
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